Well, officially, I moved to the UK to live, teach and travel last December.

There had been loads of problems leading up to leaving Australia, my visa had been misplaced and my documents seemingly lost in the oblivion that is the postal system. As it turned out, my visa documents and application had been sitting on some person's desk in the Phillipines when I had called to check on it, and not where it should have been. Due to this mess around, not only did I have to change my flights, but upon the advise of the visa office, the post office and the Australia passport office I cancelled my passport and applied for a new one. Needlessly to say, a significant dint was made in my savings. However, once all of this was sorted out, I left Australia with significantly confident hopes of finding myself both as a teacher and a person.

I am now about 2 months into my first teaching contract, and every single one of my ideas, dreams and conceptions of the skills I had about teaching has been broken. Despite being told this isn't unusual, something still doesn't feel right. As with most new jobs, especially jobs that require an immense amount of responsibility and time, I had expected the transition wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows. But what I wasn't prepared for was the stress, frustration and consistent sense of insecurity. As well as the feeling that I'm trying to fill a cup that's already full.
Sure, the money's pretty good. Sure, I've been given a Macbook to use in an Academy that is completely Apple endorsed. Sure, I'm living on the other side of the world, in a country most people would love to have the chance to live in. So why do I feel like something's missing? Why do I feel like I'm failing rather than gaining or learning?

For the last 7 years, I had thought that I knew what it is I was meant to do. I loved English in high school and was pretty good at it. Certainly not a straight A student across the board, but good grades in the subjects I loved. And throughout my degree I was content with the knowledge I had gained, and on my practicums I was happy with my lessons, and could see progress for myself. But now, when I'm actually in the career, each 12/13-hour day I wonder if I was wrong.

However, I've decided that I'm not going to quit just yet. It's only been 2 months after all, so I have promised myself that I will teach until the end of the calendar year and see how I feel. If I still feel the same way, I'm going to spend the rest of my visa working in any job I can whilst travelling at the same time. However, I won't be surprised if I decide to go home a few months early. And when I get home, I'm going to look into doing a Graduate Diploma in Writing, Editing and Publishing. That will at least, I hope, make me happy. As writing makes me happy, and I'm slowly finding moments (usually at 1 or 2am after planning lessons) to write a poem or simply a descriptive or narrative paragraph or two. So if I can try to polish up on my writing and editing knowledge, perhaps I might be better off.


In other - less depressing - news, some of you may have noticed that I've finally posted some life drawings of myself from different classes I modelled for back home. There were the ones on my laptop, I have a few others that I'll try to get off my hard drive at some point. In saying that too, I'd like to do some life modelling over here in the UK, it's only been a few months, and I actually miss doing it alot.

Anyway, as mentioned, any tidbits of writing I feel are ok enough I'll post for those still about to read and check out. In the mean time, back to prep as tomorrow is the first day back from the half-term break. *sigh*